Birth story - Samantha and baby boy

*Trigger Warning* - undiagnosed breech, second degree tear, use of word contractions (not negative to me), forceps, mention of decrease in heartbeat, mention of baby not breathing, previous miscarriages.

I finally feel ready to write my birth story after reading all of your amazing ones over the previous months. I'm hoping this helps someone as although my birth story turned out to be everything I didn't want it to be there are still so many positives I can take from it and I am so proud of myself. I'm really sorry as its a long one!

Pregnancy

I had a dream pregnancy, low risk with no complications throughout, no sickness and stayed active throughout and worked up until 38+1 weeks. I really was very fortunate to basically feel hardly any different throughout and loved bring pregnant.

We suffered three recurrent miscarriages previous to this pregnancy so had some anxiety right at the beginning but this one just 'felt different'. I was on cyclogest progesterone pessaries until 12 weeks and had extra scans which also helped with any anxiety.

At midwife appointments my midwife would often comment on how tight my belly was and how hard it made it to feel how the baby was laying but she said baby was in cephalic position from 32 weeks and engaged 2/5 at 36 weeks. I saw a different midwife at my 38 week appointment as mine was on holiday and she said the same thing about my belly being tight and hard to feel baby but also put that baby was cephalic and that the head was engaged 2/5. How wrong they were.

We started the hypnobirthing course around 25 weeks, watching all the videos together and we both felt so calm and confident about labour. I originally was keen on a home birth but my partner was more hesitant and we ended up agreeing on a midwife led unit. My dream was a water birth and I also wanted to stay at home as long as possible. I purchased a tens machine to help with the contractions while at home.

I finished work at 38+1 weeks and fully expected to go over my due date. Myself and my partner wanted to avoid intervention as much as possible and we'd decided I wouldn't accept a sweep until at least 41 weeks.

Labour

At 38+4 weeks at 1am in the morning after an evening at friends I started having period pain and back pain that was coming every 10 minutes. I started timing it using an app while my partner slept. It was very mild and I wasn't sure whether it was definitely contractions. By 5am when I was still having them and had been unable to sleep due to feeling excitement I woke my partner and he ran me a bath, lit some candles and put on my spa music playlist so I could relax and help with oxytocin levels and not adrenaline. I then got back into bed and managed to get a bit of sleep drifting in and out in between contractions.

My partner had planned to play golf that day and I insisted he still went. I was managing absolutely fine as they were so mild and reasoned with him it could carry on like this for days and that we should carry on as normal.

By 8am they were coming every 6 minutes but sill very manageable. I was using my up breathing and didn’t feel I needed any pain relief. I made sure I ate a good breakfast to give me energy and then got on my ball trying to stay as active as possible. They then started to tail off a bit and I figured I could be in for the long haul so decided to have another bath and then a nap to reserve my energy. They came back though and I struggled to nap.

At 1pm they were getting more intense and I was having to really concentrate on my up breathing and I was climbing on the sofa holding onto the back of it to get through them. I rang my partner to see which hole of golf he was on as I wanted him to help me with the tens machine. He was on the 17th hole so I told him to finish his round and not to leave there and then.

My partner walked through the door at 13.55, I asked him to make me a sandwich, conscious that I hadn't eaten in a while. As I walked into the kitchen to eat it at 14.10 my waters suddenly broke. I then decided it was time to ring the labour line. They at first didn't want me to come in as my contractions were still quite far apart but they asked me about movement and I realised I hadn't felt baby move much in the day and couldn't remember the last time I had felt baby move since the middle of the night when baby had been very active. So they said to come in to the day unit but warned me I could be sent home again.

We arrived at the hospital at 15.30 where my waters popped again and filled the pad I was wearing. My contractions were much more intense now and I couldn't talk when having one. They checked the baby's heartbeat and movement and all was good and she felt for the baby and confirmed baby’s was head down! She then asked if I consented to a vaginal examination which I did and I was surprised to be told I was 5cm dilated. She then said she thought she could feel baby's arm so she wanted to quickly scan me to check baby's position. It was then discovered that baby was breech. I couldn't believe it and immediately burst into tears. I knew in that moment my dream birth was completely out the window and I was gutted. I'd done absolutely no research into breech births so felt completely at a loss after feeling so in control previous to this.

A consultant came and spoke to us and gave us our options, c section or a vaginal delivery on labour ward with monitoring. We used our BRAIN and decided on a c section. I felt this gave me the most control over the situation despite desperately not wanting a cesarean due to the recovery. It also seemed less risk to the baby although I don't feel the risks were explained properly to me (they even tried explaining stuff to me while I was having a contraction, with my partner having to ask them to stop) and it avoided a vaginal birth on labour ward laying on a bed which I definitely did not want.

I was wheeled into a delivery suite and changed into a hospital gown and an anesthetist came and explained everything that would happen and then we were told there would be a little wait but it wouldn't be long. All of a sudden my contractions were really ramping up though and I was getting concerned that it wasn't happening quick enough. I got a huge urge to push and was yelling at everybody that the baby was coming now and they needed to hurry up! I consented to another examination, it was about 16.30 now, and to their surprise I was fully dilated, feet were on the way down and they informed me there was no time for a cesarean as the baby was on the way now. This sent me into a panic. I was extremely scared now, nothing was going how I'd planned at all, I was hooked up to monitoring and they hadn't allowed me to get off the bed to move around at this point.

I asked for gas and air which they gave me and a midwife suggested I get on all fours which I jumped at the chance to do. The pushing stage is all a bit of a blur for me but I would go from screaming at the midwives and doctors to get off me to calmly asking is my baby almost here in between contractions, while using the gas and air to get me through it. His foot came out first and then the other foot and then the body took a bit longer. Unbeknownst to me there was a lot of meconium and baby's heartbeat had started dropping. They also had explained that paediatricians were waiting outside which is standard with a breech delivery but I wasn't really aware what they meant by this. They suddenly got quite forceful with me about how I needed to push the baby out now and I wasn't sure why they were suddenly so urgent. My partner explained afterwards there were 5 people in the room by this point and they seemed concerned. I was then told I had one last chance to get him out in the position I was in or they would have to turn me. When I didn't get him out on that push they suddenly turned me on the bed, put my legs in stirrups and I just felt hands everywhere. They were also explaining they needed to use forceps. I was shouting a lot as I didn't understand the seriousness of the situation and my partner was advocating for me asking if this was really necessary for which he was sternly told yes! Unfortunately my baby came out not breathing although heart beating, so the cord was clamped immediately and he was plonked on my chest for a mere second before being rushed outside to the paediatricians on standby. Fortunately for me the gas and air had made me not very with it so I still wasn't processing everything properly. The pushing stage was 38 minutes. I received the injection for the placenta and it was delivered within 7 minutes and it wasn't painful at all, in fact I felt relief when it came out. I had a second degree tear but she said it wasn't a bad tear especially for a breech birth and all my stitches were internal. I used the gas and air for the stitches.

I had told my partner to go outside to see our baby. They had to ventilate him and he was then wheeled in to me. We were warned about brain damage which was terrifying but I'm happy to say my little fighter starting breathing on his own again after 10 minutes and there was no damage at all.

He spent a week in neonatal, of which 2 nights was intensive care, and the rest was special care due to low blood sugar levels. Once I'd established breastfeeding and had his blood sugar levels under control he was discharged and we have now spent 5 blissful days at home in our newborn bubble.

The first couple of days after giving birth were a blur and I didn't fully process the labour until about 3 days later when I really grieved for the labour I didn't have. I was especially upset that my partner hadn't cut the cord and I hadn't got that initial skin on skin contact. I also felt a lot of anger about it not being realised my baby was breech as I felt things could have been so different if I'd known but also the ‘what ifs’ of what could have happened to my little man, really ate away at me.

But I began to see so many positives which I would never have had if it wasn't for doing the hypnobirthing course! I laboured at home for 14 hours with no pain relief, stayed completely calm throughout, we used our BRAIN to make decisions that suited us and our baby (even if we still didn't get them ), I also gave birth to a breech baby with just gas and air! I am so proud of myself! I was also relieved I hadn't had to have a cesarean in the end.

Breastfeeding was particularly tough after the start to life my little man had and the feeding tube he was on. But I persevered, hanging onto that last thing I desperately wanted and I succeeded with the help of some truly incredible nurses and my wonderful supportive partner. I really hope my birth story helps somebody, even when the birth plan goes completely out the window there can be positives and I would recommend the The Positive Birth Company hypnobirthing course to everyone.