Navigating Mother's Day After Loss - advice from Tommy's Midwives

Mother’s Day isn’t easy for everyone. We’ve teamed up with our charity partner Tommy’s to share expert insight from their team of midwives on navigating Mother’s Day. 

Trigger warning: this blog post discusses baby loss and navigating Mother’s Day after loss

This Mother’s day, we’re supporting Tommy’s by recognising all mums – no matter what their journey. With 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in loss or premature birth, Mother’s Day can be an emotional time for many but together we can help raise awareness and show our support.

This blog post has been written by the midwives at Tommy’s to offer specific advice about navigating Mother’s Day if you anticipate it may be difficult, and also advice for supporting a loved one. 

Navigating Mother’s Day after loss

Mother’s Day can be difficult for so many people – especially those who have experienced loss of either their mum or have themselves experienced baby loss. The imagery of parents and children together can feel like it is everywhere and for so many parents who have experienced loss another very raw moment of loss.

Be kind to yourself above all. Some people find it helps to have a routine for Mother’s Day and other such holidays – a walk, a meet up with a friend, even just taking a moment to let the emotions wash over you so you can exhale and carry on the best you can.

Consider avoiding social media on the days just before and just after Mother's Day if you feel that related content may negatively impact your well-being.

Advice for supporting someone on Mother’s Day

If you know someone who you think may find Mother’s Day difficult, then a card or a text simply saying “I’m thinking of you today” or “I just want you to know I care” can make the day feel a little less lonely for them. Taking the time to express kindness on difficult days always matters.

Often Bereaved families don’t know what they need and having a “job” taken off their hands is a meaningful way to show them that they matter, and their grief matters to you as someone who loves them. Instead of asking “is there anything I can do?”, placing the responsibility onto the bereaved parents to decide, it could be useful to say “I’m going to make you some meals for the fridge/freezer to get you out of food shopping and preparation for a few days” or, “ let me grab your food shopping list from you and drop it into you tomorrow.”

Take the time to acknowledge anyone close to you who has experienced baby loss, regardless of what stage in their pregnancy this happened. Show compassion and allow them space and time to talk and reflect on their loss. Most importantly, listen. Our seemingly small gestures can sometimes make the biggest impact when it really matters.

You can find expert advice, information and stories from others who’ve experienced baby loss at tommys.org or search the hashtag #WeSeeAMum which is a campaign to recognise all mums, wherever they are on their pregnancy journey.