Birth story - Nicole and baby Robin

hospital birththird time mumvaginal birthVBAC

Sep 8

*Trigger warning* - brief discussion of first two births which included a c-section and many interventions, mention of a missed miscarriage

I can truly not believe I am finally on the other side of this birth. It was the healing, final birth I had been quietly hoping for but rarely spoke about out loud. I can not overstate how helpful this group’s birth stories were for me from about 20 weeks on. Most nights I read between 3-5 before drifting off to sleep and it became such an important routine for me.

Ok so briefly - I had a somewhat emergency c-section with my first son in 2017 because of decelerations in his heart rate. Although of course I was thrilled to have a healthy baby - I mourned the loss of the low intervention, vaginal birth I had prepared for. In 2020 I gave birth to my second son. It was another extremely long labor that once again started with the spontaneous rupture of my membranes BUT this time I achieved my goal of a VBAC. I would absolutely consider it a healing experience but a small part of me still longed for even less intervention.

After a missed miscarriage in September followed by much deliberation on a third and final child, I became pregnant again a few months later. My pregnancy was healthy and pretty normal. They kept an eye on a heart arrhythmia they found during the anatomy scan but it resolved itself by 32 weeks. I also had a marginal cord insertion so had a couple of extra growth scans. The only difficult parts were a chronic cough in the second trimester that left me exhausted and sore and awful swelling and overall fluid retention in the final trimester. I’m 2 days PP and can honestly say I am feeling better than I did during my final weeks of pregnancy.

My first two kiddos came past their EDD’s at 40 + 4 and 40 + 6 so I fully anticipated the same timing for this one.

My 37th and 38th weeks of pregnancy did feel quite crampy looking back but I still assumed I had many weeks to go. I was still working an active job as an OT in a rehab hospital but thank goodness for the student intern I had helping me my last 11 weeks of pregnancy. It was all I could do some days to make it home before sitting down and barely getting up again (except to address the 10,000 requests from my 3 and 6 year olds of course 😆)

At 39 weeks exactly (a Sunday) I woke up with some mild cramping and later on wiped away a bit of bloody show. It all felt very exciting but I obviously didn’t want to get my hopes up so we went about our day as usual, celebrating my brothers birthday and trying to enjoy our first weekend off together as a family in quite a while. I kept trying to occasionally time my surges but either they would be too mild to notice, I would forget, or any consistency would putter out. I went to sleep early that night and was glad that I made it nearly all night without any more surges. I was tired.

I called out of work early on Monday morning because I kept losing bits of mucus plug and the mild cramping was back. I didn’t necessarily feel like birth was close but I wanted to tune into my body that day and rest. Unfortunately almost the whole day went by with very little cramping.

Another early night and then I woke up at 3:45 with a slightly more intense surge. I stayed in bed for a few more but on my back or side was pretty uncomfortable to last through a surge so I got up for the day. I spent some time on my ball, with the Freya app, timing and practicing my UP breathing. An hour went by and they were consistently 7-10 minutes apart so I woke my husband up to have him also call out of work, just in case. A few hours later, as soon as our two wildlings woke up things stalled pretty hard. 😂 It took forever to get them ready for daycare that morning but we eventually got everyone out the door and my husband and I stopped on the way home to register our oldest for kindergarten. We went home and had a relaxing day, watching some funny tv and making sure I was eating and drinking well. In the evening, my surges picked back up and I wondered if I would get any sleep that night. After laying with my kids as they fell asleep I quickly realized I would NOT be as they were once again too uncomfortable to be flat for.

Because of how long I had resisted rest in favor of actively laboring during my previous births I was really committed to taking it all more slowly this time - versus committing too early to trying to progress things on my own - With that being said I set up a recliner for the night with a cozy blanket, kept my water nearby, set up my tea lights, put my TENS machine on, and had my husband play a steady flow of calming music. I spent most of that night in my chair, sleeping in 8-20 minute intervals between surges. They had definitely picked up in intensity and I was having to focus much harder on my UP breathing compared to the previous days. I also texted my doula around midnight, considering having her come over to help me cope. But I didn’t want to “peak” too early and I was mostly sleeping or sitting anyway.

I made it to sunrise on Wednesday and decided to have my doula come over early that morning to check in. I think I was starting to feel pretty tired and confused by my body after 3 full days of surges starting and stopping. Of course her arrival once again matched the timing of my kids waking up and surges almost completely stopped. My doula (Marie) helped me stay positive though and we fell into a nice routine of her helping me encourage each surge to be more productive, snacking, and watching some more funny television.

I had a midwife appointment scheduled for 12:30 that day and was looking forward to a cervical exam to hopefully confirm that my last few days of surges had been somewhat productive. My favorite midwife had even insisted on coming in on her day off to make sure she didn’t miss an appointment. 🥹

The moment of truth arrived and I was thrilled to find out I was 5 cm dilated! None of us could believe it and I immediately felt extremely validated. No wonder the last few days had felt so tough! I also asked her to do a membrane sweep while she was up there just to keep things moving in the right direction. My midwife, husband, and I came up with a game plan for the evening that involved us going home and relaxing for a few more hours before likely heading into the hospital. I felt pretty good leaving the appointment and handled the walk to the parking garage well, stopping every few minutes to breathe through a surge.

As soon as we walked in the door however the intensity changed almost instantly. I hopped into the shower to wash my hair and had what felt like MANY surges in the short 10 minutes I was in there. I quickly ended up back on my ball, wearing my diaper and a bra, with my TENS unit back on, and texting my doula to please turn around and come back. (leaving the midwife appt I had told her to plan to meet back at my house around 5 not realizing that I would have a baby in my arms by then 🫠).

My doula Marie arrived about 30 minutes later and I had a little cry with her. I was now struggling to relax and worrying about how I would continue coping if labor continued into the night. She was a literal angel and held my hands, rubbed my back, stroked my hair, and kept me calm. When we realized surges were consistently coming 2-3 minutes apart we headed out the door (and into the rain) for our 15 minute drive to the hospital. I was feeling pretty nauseous by this time so I brought a puke bowl just in case per Marie’s suggestion. 😬 I spent the entire ride zoned in on the Freya app, listening to the mediations between timing surges. I didn’t open my eyes until we pulled in front of the hospital and I think all of that combined was really helpful.

My husband is a nurse in the ER of the hospital I was delivering with so our slow walk through the emergency department to labor and delivery was very sweet with lots of well wishes from everyone.

We finally made it to labor and delivery and I walked up to registration by myself. I told them I had been 5cm at my 1230 appointment (it was now around 415) and that my surges were now much more intense and regular. They told us there were currently “no triage or delivery rooms available but we will be cleaning two really soon. Go ahead and go to the waiting room for a few minutes unless you think you’re having a baby in the next 10 minutes?” 🫣

I laughed at the absurdity of it all and limped my way back out to tell my husband and newly arriving Marie what they had said.

The waiting room was PACKED and hot and I knew immediately I couldn’t be in there. Josh tried to point out a spot by a window but it was still way too close to strangers for me to feel comfortable. I waved us back out to the hallway by security and we put our stuff on the floor and just went on with it. Closely timed surges while holding onto my husband and with Marie squeezing my hips. Josh had gotten me ice packs for my neck and I still had my TENS unit blasting.

About 15-20 minutes later someone came out and told us a triage room was ready. The nurse was fantastic and never even suggested one time that I needed to lay down for any reason. She strapped me to some monitors while I stood and swayed and moaned. Things were definitely feeling hazy. I put a gown on, Marie gave me a peppermint scented washcloth and josh put some music on, and he even got to put my IV in himself. 🥹 We also dimmed the lights and I asked for a ball if they thought we would be in the room for a while. It wasn’t long until the midwife walked in and her vibe was immediately what I needed. Confident and excited and ready to go. She checked me (the only time I had to lay down) and told me I was, “9, almost 10 cm.” I swear the room broke out in cheers and I remember crying while my doula kissed my forehead. 😭

They quickly called ahead to have a delivery room ready and soon we all walked down the hall to it. As soon as I turned into the room a massive surge hit and it left me floundering a bit. I felt shaky and nervous and pretty out of control at that point. My doula and josh led me to the bed and raised it, setting up the peanut ball for me to lean on. I was definitely vocalizing a LOT but still didn’t realize how close to having a baby in my arms I was. During the next surge my water splashed onto the floor and they once again called for the midwife to come quickly.

She immediately asked if I felt pressure and I told her I wasn’t sure yet. Looking back I DEFINITELY was but was also having a really hard time leaning into this portion of the surges. She told me to push anytime I felt ready and during the next surge I did. It felt like a bowling ball attempting to come through my butthole. No other way to say it. The next few minutes were the hardest part for me. I knew I was resisting the sensation to push because I hated how overwhelmed and trapped it made me feel. Eventually I committed to a few good pushes, focusing on the pressure in my bottom and everyone was excited. The midwife said she could feel his head and told me to keep going. At this point I’m not sure exactly what I was saying but I know I was essentially screaming, growling, and telling everyone, “no.” 😆

The midwife then told me she wanted to help me onto my knees on the floor. She knew she could get my pelvis into a position that would essentially make it impossible for me to resist the pushing sensation. (Smart lady). I once again yelled no but everyone assured me I could do it. Finally I got to the ground and the midwife helped me bring my hips back. Almost immediately it felt impossible to resist the pressure. In a final few pushes he was out.

I just leaned into the bed again and breathed and laughed and cried. It took me a minute to remember there was an actual baby to turn around and meet so eventually I sat on the ground and they handed screaming Robin to me. What an absolutely insane moment. It felt like I was pulling his cord a bit (my placenta obviously hadn’t delivered yet) and I mentioned how slippery he was before they handed me a towel to hold him with. We waited what felt like 5 minutes and until the cord was white and then my husband cut it with the midwife. I handed Robin off to someone and climbed into bed. I had accidentally pulled my IV out while moving so they gave me a dose of pitocin in my thigh. What felt like a minute later my placenta slithered out. My midwife scoped out the situation down below and told me she was going to repair a 1st degree tear (improved from the 2nd degree tear I experienced with my first VBAC baby). It stung a bit of course but pretty much every part of my body felt RELIEF and i couldn’t believe I had done it.

Recovery has been a breeze and my sweet bird is an absolute dream.

Guys. Birth is awesome. Hypnobirthing is awesome and by the next day I was sure I never wanted to do it again and at the same time I was mourning the fact that I won’t be doing it again. I feel so incredibly healed and validated by this birth and know I’ll be reading through the birth story for the rest of my life.