Birth story - Abbey and baby Rowan

*Trigger warning* - Long prodromal phase, drops in baby heart rate during labour, cord around neck, retained placental membrane, minor hemorrhage. Use of both words contraction and surge.

Although there are a few moments in this story that might seem negative, my whole birth was actually extremely positive – and I believe that that speaks to the power of the female mind and body, and the value of hypnobirthing. This is my second birth using the PBC and I cannot emphasise enough just how empowering and helpful it was both times. I gave birth to my daughter in Sept 2019 and have been an advocate for hypnobirthing ever since!

My birth story starts with the beginning of a long 9 days waiting for Rowan (which is why this birth story is so long!):

On my due date I went in for a check–up and my doctor offered to do a sweep. With my first pregnancy I hadn’t loved the idea of getting sweeps, but this time I felt happy to accept and see if it would encourage baby to come, as it was getting hard at the end to look after and play with my daughter. My doctor said my cervix was already soft and short, and that I was already slightly dilated at about 1cm, she could also feel my belly tightening frequently during the exam. I had some routine foetal monitoring and the monitor showed about 4 contractions during that time. She was actually pretty confident that I’d be back that night to deliver! Unfortunately, that is not how things progressed and that night marked the start of a very mentally challenging and physically exhausting 9 days.

For the rest of that night I was getting regular contractions, but they weren’t very strong yet. I really thought that this was labour kicking off, and got my mum over to spend the night so that we could go off to the hospital and leave our daughter with her if need be. However, by about midnight they had tapered off and then stopped altogether by morning. I wasn’t totally disheartened though, as I had a bloody show the next morning. On Saturday night I went for a nice big walk in the evening, with my daughter, husband, brother and some of our friends. I was getting contractions here and there but nothing that built in intensity or regularity. Still, I remained positive, knowing I was only 1 day past my due date.

For the next few days I continued to lose my mucus plug and have contractions that weren’t strong, but they would come for a few hours then die off again. I kept focusing on the affirmation ‘My baby will come when my baby is ready’ and continued listening to the PBC guided meditations and affirmations every night. On Wednesday I went back to the hospital and had another sweep. The doctor said I was slightly more dilated than before, and again she felt very sure I would go into labour asap! The baby’s cord was wrapped once around his neck, but she didn’t seem concerned about that at all.

That night I had contractions all throughout the night, but having gone through labour once before (2019) I knew I should rest so I stayed in bed and used UP breathing if they woke me up – some of them did, but they were manageable if I breathed through them. At 2am my husband brought my daughter through to me as she had woken up wanting mummy cuddles (he was sleeping in her room with her and since I was so heavily pregnant, I’d swapped to the main bedroom recently). I lay with her for the next few hours as the contractions became stronger. It was slightly annoying that my husband had brought her through and gone back to sleep in the other room, because I didn’t want to wake her up so just lay still in bed throughout many contractions! But it was also quite lovely having her there for a cuddle. I felt extremely peaceful and calm. By 5am I had to get up and start walking and swaying around my room, whilst my daughter stayed asleep in my bed.

My husband came through at 7am and I told him this was it, the contractions were coming every 5 minutes or so and getting more intense that I couldn’t talk during them. We got our daughter ready for school and told her that if we weren’t here later, it’s because we’d gone to the hospital to have her baby brother! She was so excited! My husband put on my TENS machine, I got on my ball with the Freya app on and waited to see what would happen. However, by 10am the contractions started to slow down again, and by midday they’d stopped completely again. By this point, I will be honest in saying I was fairly gutted and feeling pretty down. I really had to focus on staying positive, and tried to be present with my daughter and remember that these were some of the last few days we’d be a family of 3, so I should savour these memories. Everyone kept reminding me that no contraction was wasted, and this whole process, however drawn out, was contributing to dilation. I was mostly feeling extremely frustrated with my husband, as he had some sort of Man Cold, and kept taking very long naps over the next few days. Thankfully, my mum was helping me with housework, cooking and entertaining Isla.

I went in for a 3rd sweep on Friday (1 week ‘overdue’) which was the most uncomfortable of the 3. That night I was extremely sore in what I presume was my cervix, and had severe lightning crotch all night – it was horrible. I felt pretty down all of Saturday, but had some nice chats with friends on Whatsapp/messenger and reminded myself that one way or another, I would be meeting my baby soon.

 On Sunday (9 days after those first contractions began after Sweep 1!) we went back to the hospital for what I knew would be the ‘induction chat’. I’d been having more contractions since 5am that morning, but still nothing amounting to active labour. In the tuk tuk on the way there Gary and I went through the BRAIN discussion about what we’d prefer and I had a bit of a cry as I was very tired and emotional. I felt like my body was so nearly ready. It’s funny to think that we wouldn’t be leaving the hospital again without our baby!

The actual birth (finally!):

When we got there my doctor checked the baby on the ultrasound and noticed that his head was still not fully down/engaged yet, and that it was veering slightly off into the right of my pelvis. However, when she checked my cervix, she said I was 3, almost 4cm, dilated and asked if I was having regular contractions. I laughed and said yes, for days now, but still not amounting to much! She was able to put her hand inside and manoeuvre his head so it was pointing down centrally, and said his head was now in a good position. She immediately said she thought I was definitely going into proper labour and wanted to keep me in and admit me to a labour room straight away. She said she would like to break the amniotic bag to help his head to descend. I used my BRAIN and asked if she could wait a few hours, and she said yes, and told me to stay UFO and move around the room. We’d come to the hospital expecting to just go back home, so we had nothing with us. We called my best friend who rushed over to our flat to grab everything that we had prepared and bring it out to the hospital for us. I had a bit of a cry at this point, as I felt extremely emotional about not seeing my daughter again that day. I found it all quite shocking, as after all the starting and stopping, I just felt like he wasn’t coming yet! I had also wanted to labour at home for as long as possible. However, looking back, staying at the hospital that afternoon was 1 million percent the right decision for a number of reasons that became clear as things progressed.

My husband and I got settled into our room around 5pm, got my TENS machine on and set up everything to make the space cosy and calm for me. We’d brought a big tub of pasta with us, so Gary set the table up like a little date night with my candles and we put on my favourite TV show (Battlestar Galactica haha). We spent the next few hours enjoying each other’s company and I focused on being UFO. The room had a ball and a yoga mat that I began using. We had some monitoring a few hours later, and the baby’s heart rate kept going up quite high and setting the machine off with a horrid loud beeping. I got my wireless headphones on and used Freya to block everything out to remain in my calm zone, which really helped. The doctor decided everything was fine with his heart after another 15 mins and again we were left to it.

The next few hours saw my surges begin to finally become more regular and intense! I knew that the baby would be coming soon and that it wouldn’t stop this time. We had a beautiful few hours listening to music from our wedding (songs we came up and down the aisle to, and our first dance song) and swaying/dancing together whilst my husband held me during the contractions. It was a wonderful and calm atmosphere, and I felt very serene.

After a few hours, I started to get this very weird shooting sensation deep inside my right pelvis and my whole leg would go into spasm and buckle. It was a dreadful sensation and was stopping me from being UFO. It was actually worse than the contractions! When the doctor came in for my next examination I explained this feeling and she thought that maybe his head had veered back into my pelvis again. She said she thought this was why I hadn’t gone into full labour during the previous week, as his head wasn’t engaging and pushing right down on my cervix. She put her hand in again to move his head and said she wanted to check his position on the ultrasound. Now this is where things could have become a bit scary, as during this process his heart rate was dropping slightly and everything was feeling quite intense for me having to lie down on my back during the contractions. She said the cord was quite tight around his neck and was pulling his head back, instead of him behind forehead down. I continued to focus on my UP breathing throughout this time, and knew that I had 1 job –just breathe. My doctor said that she wanted to break the amniotic bag and then monitor his head to see if that would help him to descend in a safe position. I felt happy with this, as she was being respectful of my wishes to have a vaginal birth, and I’m glad she gave us the opportunity to see how things progressed.

I knew from my first birth that things were really about to kick it up a notch once my waters went. This was at about 10 or 11pm. We turned on the lights at this point, as I have some really strong memories of being in the dark at this stage with my first birth and it felt too intense. This time, I had the lights on, and my favourite positive affirmation cards right on the floor in front of me whilst I swayed or bounced on the ball. One of the midwives stayed with us, and sat behind me giving me amazing neck, back and head massages whilst my husband supported me in front. I wanted my husband’s face as close as possible to mine during each surge, and I would make a back and forth ‘sawing’ action whilst holding his hand –this really helped get me through the surge peaks which were super intense now. He was also great at counting the in 4-out 8 for me.

The doctor came in to check the position of his head and I had to have some uncomfortable contractions on my back. UP breathing and my TENS was so necessary to get through those. The doctor was really pleased to report that his head had come down more, and he was now forehead down! She asked me to do a few gentle pushes during the next contraction. This is when I must have hit transition and things go a bit mental for me at this point! She said I was 8cm, but with a few pushes and surges she suddenly said it was time to go to the delivery room! Honestly, this part was tough – I had a massive panic and as I got off the bed I had a huge surge that brought me to my knees. I started shouting, saying ‘NO NO I can’t move, get the doctor back, the baby is coming, help me!’. Thankfully from the PBC course I knew in the back of my mind I was transitioning and just to ride out the feelings and trust in the people around me to support and steady me. My doctor came back and checked and said the baby wasn’t coming yet, that I needed to stand and walk across the hall to the delivery room. This was hospital policy and I knew I wanted to make it there, as I had decided on active management of the placenta due to a pretty big post-partum haemorrhage with my daughter.

I took some deep steadying breaths and held onto my husband and a nurse to walk the 10meters or so to the delivery room. I got up on the bed and as they were trying to put in a canula/hep-lock, I had another huge contraction on my back. I really did not like this moment – because I felt like things were happening TO me, and again the course helped me massively because I grabbed Gary and shouted ‘I do not like this, I feel out of control, stop her’, and he stopped the doctor from putting in the needle at that moment. She waited until the contraction was over and I felt much better.

I got around onto my knees, but was still not in a very calm headspace as things felt like they were progressing so quickly. I remember shouting that I was scared and that I needed help. I think my husband was feeling pretty freaked out but my sudden change from calm to panic, but knowing deep down that this was normal helped me to carry on. My doctor was great, she got right in my face so I could focus on her and told me I was a strong mummy and I could do this. She asked me to turn around onto my back, because she had to control the head carefully due to how tight the cord was around the neck. I found this mentally quite challenging and I do remember screaming through the next surge. I remember all the staff in the room just sort of cheering me on, and people saying things like ‘You are a strong mummy!’ which really helped.

My doctor said something like ‘Stop screaming and put your power in your pushes!’ This was such a good phrase – and it helped me to remember my DOWN breathing, which was exactly what I needed. I really focused on the breathing I’d been practising during pooing at home and suddenly I knew it was working. My doctor was shouting ‘Great, great job mummy, yes!’ and my husband was by my head reminding me to take a massive breath in between the down breathes. The doctor and other staff members kept on encouraging me and I knew I was so close. It was funny, I think I somehow let go of my husband’s hand and randomly grabbed another nurse’s hand who was by my side haha!

I was not fully aware of this at the time, but the baby’s heart rate was dropping significantly at this point. My doctor told my husband this and said she was concerned because the cord was really tight and she asked to do an episiotomy to get him out asap. My husband knew that I had been happy for this to happen if necessary (had one first time around too) so he said yes, do it. All of a sudden his head was out with the next surge. She had to immediately cut the cord as it was too tight to slip off, so didn’t get to do the delayed cord clamping, but it was the right call. As his body came out everyone started shouting at me to stop pushing and I remember shouting back ‘I’m not pushing!!!’ – my body was just pushing for me, and suddenly his whole body was out! I did have a second tear further back in my perineum from this moment and I guess that’s why they had shouted to stop pushing, but I didn’t feel any of that. My baby was suddenly being passed up through my legs and was on my chest! I felt elated – I had done it! I'd only been in the delivery room less than 20 mins and he was here!

 He had to go get some checks and some heat as he’d come out a bit blue, but he was fine. They had given me syntocinon for the placenta and the doctor told me to gently push, as I had completely forgotten about the placenta at this point! When it came out it wasn’t intact and I had some retained membranes. The doctor had to put her hand inside and try to remove what was still inside. I actually switched back to UP breathing for that and continued using it whilst she began to stitch me up, which wasn’t too pleasant, but fine. I was having a slight haemorrhage so they did some uterine massage which is really not nice, but I knew it helped, as had the same with my first delivery. Rowan was brought back over for skin-to-skin and we stayed in there for about an hour breastfeeding and soaking up the love!

The majority of my labour was so calm and beautiful – I have so many lovely memories with my husband Gary. Even though the end had felt totally wild for me, knowing deep down that I was going through transition really helped me to go with the flow and it did not impact my positive feelings about my birth at all – if anything, I’m even more proud. The power of birth is immense, but like I said when my daughter was born, not as powerful as me.